Growth comes from the quiet moments of reflection, not the noise of constant action.
Hustle culture is real.
There’s fast food, fast fashion and fast entertainment. The quality of production is diminishing at the expense of volume.
Distraction and disconnection is the result. People have lost a sense of what’s important and lack direction, purpose and meaning.
We hear these stories all the time.
People go to jobs they hate out of necessity. Overworked and underpaid. They get stuck in traffic, both ways. Exchange their time for money and the rate of return is abysmal. When they finally get home they are completely exhausted. The dreams and ambitions they once had fade away as the rest of the night escapes them. They scroll social media, watch Netflix, or numb the pain with narcotics. Forgetting about dinner, they order some unhealthy takeout, pass out, and do it all again the next day.
This pattern can go on for years.
I know because I’ve been there.
I want more for myself.
I want more for you.
It’s time to move away from mere existence and toward engagement with life.
Who Do You Think You Are?
The vision you hold of yourself dictates your actions, your decisions and your future.
Wherever you are right now is a direct result of your past choices. It’s that simple.
What are your predominate thoughts?
What words do you say to yourself?
Who do you hang around with?
Who do you take advice from?
What foods do you eat?
How often do you move your body?
These are important questions to ask yourself. They are daily choices you make. But many people are unconscious and sleepwalk through life. The power comes from your choices, and those are always in your control.
That’s the beauty of it. No matter how many poor choices you’ve made in the past, this moment is an opportunity to choose something different for yourself. This is your responsibility. No one is going to save you. If you don’t choose what you want for yourself, someone else will.
This is what mere existence looks like.
It’s following other people’s script while simultaneously complaining about the hand you’ve been dealt.
The only thing holding you back from reaching your full potential is you.
But you don’t understand…This has happened to me… I can’t do that because x,y,z…
I get it. Life catches up with us and sometimes good people experience bad situations. But no matter what’s happened in your life, no matter what challenges you’ve faced, no matter what pain, sorrow or hurt you’ve experienced, and no matter where you are right now, remember this:
It’s not what happens to you that matters, it’s how you respond to what happens.
This is your super power. This is your responsibility. It’s in your control and it starts with reframing your experiences.
Reframing involves changing your perspective on the circumstances in life, viewing them not as insurmountable obstacles, but as opportunities for growth and learning.
- If you hate your job, instead of complaining about it, use it as motivation to learn a new skill.
- If you’re stuck in traffic, instead of getting frustrated, use that time to listen to an educational podcast or audiobook.
- If you’re unhappy with your body, instead of dwelling on insecurities, use it as a catalyst to embrace healthier habits.
- If you find yourself on social media, instead of scrolling for hours, use it as an opportunity to network with industry professionals, potential clients, and influencers in your field.
Psycho-Cybernetics and Your Self-Image
Your beliefs about yourself impact your behaviour, and your behaviours impact the outcomes in your life.
A few years after high school, I discovered a book that transformed my life.
It didn’t make me rich, it didn’t bring a flood of business clients, and it didn’t give me my ideal physique. But it did completely alter my mindset. It created a subtle but impactful shift in my perspective which resulted in a thirst that continues to this day.
Psycho-Cybernetics by Maxwell Maltz changed the beliefs I had about myself. The beliefs I had about the world. I started to question everything and viewed life in a completely different way.
It all finally clicked. I was in control. Not my past. Not my conditioning. Not other people.
Me.
There was a moment of frustration. It forced me to look back on my past decisions and realize how much I suffered because of my own doing. It made me see how much time I had wasted. How many opportunities I had squandered.
But at the same time, it was liberating.
I now understood that I had a choice, and exercising that choice was my responsibility.
To improve your beliefs and self-image, follow these action steps inspired by Psycho-Cybernetics:
- Visualize your ideal self by spending time each day imagining who you want to become. Picture how you want to behave, the skills you want to master, and the goals you want to achieve.
- Be mindful of negative self-talk and challenge it. Reframe your thoughts from negative to positive. Instead of saying I can’t do this, say I’m learning and improving.
- Practice self-affirmation and speak to yourself in a positive way. Continue to reinforce the values, strengths, and abilities you want to cultivate. This can help you build confidence and a positive self-image.
- Have concrete goals that give you a sense of purpose and direction. Make sure they are at the edge of your comfort zone. You want to challenge yourself, not discourage action because of overwhelm and disbelief.
- Take daily action and celebrate your progress along the way. Consistency beats intensity.
- Embrace mistakes as a learning opportunity and never let the fear of “failure” stop you from pursuing your goals. Reframe your missteps as opportunities to learn and grow.
- Surround yourself with positive influences and guard what gets in. The people you follow, content you consume, and the friends you have will inspire and uplift or drag you down. Choose wisely.
After my big aha moment, I spent the next month devouring every personal development book I could get my hands on. It was intoxicating. I felt like a new person with the world at my fingertips. So many opportunities, so much potential.
I transformed more in those 30 days than I had in the previous year.
My bank account was still low, no new business opportunities presented itself, and my physique was still average, but on the inside, I knew I could never be the same again. And that’s where it all begins.
It doesn’t matter how many books you read, podcasts you listen to, or courses you take—if you don’t start to internalize change, nothing changes.
This process goes beyond adopting superficial habits or ideas. There needs to be a deep embodiment of them on a personal level. Internalized change reflects a genuine transformation of one’s inner self.
Then you take action.
When your beliefs change your actions follow. This leads to more assertive and purposeful behaviour. You start to attract opportunities, develop meaningful connections, and overcome obstacles. Life starts to work for you rather than against you. Synchronicities appear and you experience a direct connection to the world as you begin alter reality in real time.
If you’ve every experienced this you know exactly what I’m talking about.
This is the real secret of manifesting.
This is how we progress.
The Domino Effect
We all start our journey at different places and for different reasons. For some, it’s to accumulate money. For others, fame. And some want to leave a name for themself.
Regardless the reason for starting, you need to develop a holistic approach to growth.
When your paradigm changes in one aspect it’s natural for it to carry over into others.
As your mindset changes there will be a carry over into other areas of your life. You’ll want to start dressing better or grooming yourself more. You’ll expect to make more money as your start providing more value. Your self-worth will increase. You might want to pursue more autonomy, take up new hobbies, or get in touch with a higher power, and so on.
The people that get stuck are those who focus all their energy on one aspect of growth.
If your only concern is to make more money, or get more jacked, or meditate until you reach nirvana–at the expense of everything else–you’re setting yourself up for failure. Despite what social media and your mainstream influencer says.
We see this all the time. Rich people who are miserable. Muscle injecting influencers dead at 30. Enlightened spiritual leaders caught in scandals.
Peak human potential goes beyond money, beyond the physical, and beyond the spiritual—it’s an embodiment of them all. Mind. Body. Soul.
When you pursue life with passion, add value to the world, and stay connected to your larger self, life starts to click. It doesn’t mean things get easier, in most cases, they don’t. But the challenges along the way become minor inconveniences, not definite road blocks.
Your higher purpose drives you forward.
You go from mere existence to leaving a mark.
The Pillars Of Personal Mastery
To avoid an imbalance of pursuit, it’s important to develop a strong foundation. An approach that gives you clarity and ensures consistency. I call these the pillars of well-being. They are guideposts I use to inform my decisions, habits, and day-to-day activities.
In my life, I have four main pillars. They are:
- Health
- Wealth
- Spirituality
- Relationships
The idea is to have these working in unison. But reality isn’t that clean. There’s going to be an incremental progression for each, so expect imbalances along the way.
Health
My pillar of health includes three subsets:
Mental health is the psychological and cognitive functioning aspect of your well-being. It’s the ability to have clarity of thought, make decisions, solve problems, and focus. This includes how you see yourself and the world around you. It’s about having a positive sense of self-worth and confidence in your abilities. In short, it’s your self-image and self-efficacy.
Emotional health is the ability to recognize and manage how you feel at any given time. It’s about appropriate responses to your emotions and to the emotions of others. It’s your ability to cope with stress and regulate mood in a healthy and constructive way.
Physical health is the development of your fitness in general. It includes your cardiovascular endurance, muscular strength, flexibility, and body composition. What you put in your body matters. Your nutrition should be a priority. So should rest and recovery. Eat, train, sleep, repeat. You don’t have to have the perfect workout routine, and overtime you will adapt and adjust. But once your health is in check you can move on to the accumulation of wealth.
If any aspect of your health deteriorates, everything else in your life will. This is where most people get it wrong. They focus on the money first. But who cares how much money you have if you’re too sick, too tired, or too stressed to enjoy it.
Here are a few ways to start working on your mental and emotional health:
- Read (CBT, ACT and psychology are good places to start).
- Journal about your thoughts and feelings and reflect on your writing.
- Meditate and find time to slow down.
- Set boundaries in your personal and professional life and enforce them when necessary.
- Make sleep and rest a priority.
- Spend time in nature.
When it comes to your physical health, start by moving everyday and eating foods that nourish you.
For reference, here’s my current schedule:
Monday, Wednesday and Friday
Full body workout in the AM and BJJ in the evening.
Tuesday
90 minutes Zone 2 cardio in the AM and BJJ in the evening.
Thursday
15-30 mins HIIT in the AM (30 seconds on 10 seconds off) and BJJ in the evening.
Saturday
BJJ in the morning and long walk during the day.
Sunday
Long walk during the day.
On top of this, I try to take a nap everyday for 25 minutes at around 1PM. Since incorporating this it’s been a game-changer. It breaks up my morning workout and evening BJJ by providing some rest and recovery.
I workout fasted and eat my first meal around 11AM or noon. Grass fed beef, pastured eggs, fruit and avocado. My next meal is at 4PM; grass fed beef with some raw cheese, fruit and sweet potato or rice (my pre BJJ meal). My last “meal” is after BJJ at 8:30PM and it’s some grass fed whey isolate with two bananas and honey.
I’m in bed by 10PM and up at 5AM.
This is my ideal schedule. 80% of the time it works out, but life happens and it’s not always this clean. Don’t get too fixated on specifics, find what works for you and try to stick to it.
Consistency is key.
Wealth
For clarity, when I use the term wealth here, I’m referring to the financial aspect. We can be wealthy in a variety of ways. Having a healthy body, great relationships, fulfilling life and so on. But I cover those topics in the other pillars.
People overcomplicate wealth. Financial wealth is simple to me. It’s having a stable income that covers your specific lifestyle.
That’s it.
I would get caught up in specific financial targets when I was young. I need to be a millionaire or I need to make $25,000 each month. This would put a lot of pressure on me. It also didn’t feel realistic because at the time, I didn’t know any millionaires.
As I got older I started to question my reasons for deciding on such vague targets. The truth was that I had no idea why being a millionaire was a goal of mine.
What I found worked better for me, and I still use to this day, is to reverse engineer it.
Decide on the lifestyle you want, then find out how much you need to support it.
Here’s how it looked for me.
I wanted to live in Portugal by the ocean doing remote work. I value my time and freedom so autonomy was important to me. I wanted to workout, surf, and train Brazilian Jiu Jitsu whenever I wanted. Spend time on the beach, read, travel, and try new restaurants as I pleased.
When I broke this down, I realized I needed a lot less than one million dollars to live the life of my dreams.
I’ll do a post about lifestyle design in the future, but for sake of brevity, I was spending $2,700* a month to live my dream. A rental by the ocean. Gym and BJJ memberships. Surf lessons, delicious food and travel included. (*in Canadian dollars)
Less than $33,000 per year to live my dream life.
You might be thinking, but what about the cars and houses and… (insert flashy items here).
I’m simple. No fancy cars. No luxurious mansion. No bling.
I get fulfilment from the autonomy of planning my days how I want. That means early morning workouts, lots of time by the ocean, reading, writing and BJJ.
But that’s me.
Your version of a dream life will be different, and that’s fine. Mine will change too, I’m sure.
The point is this: don’t get fixated on a number.
Focus on the lifestyle you want and reverse engineer it by finding out what it will cost to sustain. Chances are you’re much closer to your dream life than you think.
Your number might be $25,000, $50,000, or $250,000. But don’t pick these arbitrary benchmarks because society told you so. Figure out the life you want to live and go from there.
There’s one caveat: you’ll have to make sacrifices along the way.
I moved to Portugal for a few reasons, but one of them was the low cost of living compared to Canada. I was able to earn less and still achieve my ideal lifestyle. If I had stuck with the goal of becoming a millionaire first, I would have spent a lot of time, stress, and energy for no reason.
But if your dream is to own a mansion in the heart of the city you live in, have a supercar, and a few vacation homes, do you! But understand your number will be a lot higher.
The point I want to stress is that more money for the sake of more money is not going to make you happy.
If you’re a millionaire but work for a shitty person, hate your job, put in long hours, never see your kids, and are on your third divorce–you’re broke.
Sit with this for a while and see what resonates. Find time to be alone and ask yourself what you want out of life.
What is it that you value?
What’s important to you?
If you had unlimited funds, how would you spend your days? Is there a way you could do it now?
At the end of the day, for most of us, it isn’t the money itself, but what the money can do.
Be creative.
With enough thought and reflection, you’ll find ways to live your ideal life now. Not in some distant future that isn’t even guaranteed.
Spirituality
I view spirituality as having a connection to something larger than yourself.
You might call it God or the Universe. Source, a higher power, nature, or collective consciousness.
The name you identify with isn’t as important as the act of connection.
This connection directs how you live your life. It adds a sense of meaning, purpose, and inner peace that supports and guides your actions.
You can connect with it through:
- Meditation
- Prayer
- Reflection (written or contemplative)
- Nature
- Solitude
- Gratitude
This list isn’t exhaustive and the route you choose is a personal choice. Anything that allows you to cultivate a deeper understanding of yourself.
Heightened self-awareness, clarity of thought, and emotional regulation are but a few benefits.
I find the most value in solitude. It’s important to spend time alone. Away from the distractions of life. Away from society, the media, and other people telling you what to do and how to think.
Being alone for long periods of time is rejuvenation for the soul.
In solitude you can think, read, write, meditate, enjoy nature, reflect, and express gratitude. Sometimes doing nothing is the best way to gain clarity on what action you should take.
Try the above practices, or find different ones that resonate with you. The spiritual practices you decide on should align with everything else mentioned here.
Find time each day to go within.
Relationships
The people you surround yourself with impact who you become. Family, friends, business associates and mentors play a role in shaping your identity. They can either inspire, challenge and guide you, or lead you astray.
Strong relationships provide emotional support, companionship and a sense of belonging. They help push you beyond your comfort zone and into new possibilities.
You need people in your life who are no afraid to call you out on your bullshit.
We all get caught up in stories. If not questioned, these stories become conditioned thoughts and behaviours that direct our lives. Sometimes we’re too close to our limiting beliefs that we don’t see them for what they are. This is when we need to rely on others to point them out to us.
A good friend will notice this, expect more from you, and bring you back on track.
Your job is to do the same for them.
Then I’ll Be Happy
You might be wondering, where does happiness come into play?
I didn’t add happiness as a pillar because I don’t think we should strive for it. Most people get this wrong.
They spend their time chasing the wrong things in an attempt to find happiness. But it always seems to elude them.
When I graduate… find my dream partner… make a million dollars… (insert arbitrary goal here)
Then I’ll be happy
How often is this the case? You strive for something because you think it will make you happy.
But what happens when you get it? Regardless what it is, you find yourself looking for the next thing. Something more. Something better. Something that will fix all your problems.
This is human nature.
Happiness is fleeting when you tie it to something in the future, something beyond what is now.
Hollywood and social media has sold you lies about happiness.
It’s not more money, faster cars, or bigger houses.
It’s not the current fashion trend, more followers, or the latest tech.
It’s not long hours at work, second mortgages, or plastic surgery.
Happiness is a byproduct of living in alignment with your values. It’s connecting to, and working toward, something bigger than yourself. It’s in meaningful connections and finding fulfilment in daily actions.
The process of working on these pillars is what creates real happiness.
Will it be hard? Yes.
Will you have bad days? More than a few.
Will it be worth it? Absolutely.
This process will force you to grow. It will build your confidence and your resilience. As you collect small wins toward your growth it will motivate you to do more. Little by little the progress will compound. You’ll learn to adjust, adapt and iterate.
Focus on these for the next 30 days.
If you do so for a long enough time, you won’t even recognize the person in the mirror.
The things that seem out of reach now will be a stepping stone from your past.
You’ll go from mere existence to making a dent.
Now go out and become the best version of yourself and send me your progress along the way. I’m excited to see what you bring to the world.
Thanks for sticking around, I hope you found some value. If so, let me know here.
Chris
P.S.
I love to write in-depth content on important topics. These posts are short reflections and summaries of my longer pieces. To dive deeper and gain access to my complete letters, subscribe here.
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